How to build up moral values in children

 How to build up moral values in children

What is Morality?

Morality is actually divided into several levels. Even for adults, everyone's morale level is different, high, and low. Those with particularly high and low morals belong to a minority in the crowd, and most people are in the middle level.

The family is a small society, and children learn how to get along with others and respect authority at home. To cultivate a moral child, the most important thing is to teach him the golden rule of " do not do to others what you do not want to do ".

Before a child learns to "treat others as you want others to treat you", he must first learn to be empathetic, consider other people's feelings, and learn to think about what his actions might bring to others and himself before doing things. What kind of consequences and impacts will be brought? This is the bottom line that a person should have and the most basic responsibility of family education.

 

Five stages of children's moral development.

The development of children's moral level will go through five stages. However, unlike physical development, which can grow taller even if left alone, the development of human morality cannot be formed without parental input and guidance. If you want your child to grow up to be a moral person, parents must lay a solid foundation at every stage of childhood. 

 

Stage 1-Infancy (0-1 years old)

Newborn babies have no sense of morality and will not judge things based on whether they have morality, but they will judge right or wrong based on their own feelings. so the baby thinks hunger is wrong; has never been ignored, so the baby thinks loneliness is terrible; has never lost contact with others.

Only when you get a timely response when you are being held, being breast-fed, or expressing your needs, you feel right! When babies receive meticulous care and care early in their lives, they will develop an internal view of "right". The parent's response planted the seeds of trust and sensitivity in the baby's heart.

A number of studies have shown that children who establish a good attachment relationship with their parents is more likely to become moral people. Compared with children with the missing parent-child relationship, they're mostly the significant difference is that they are more sensitive — sensitivity here does not refer to sentimentality or crying, but refers to being more able to understand the emotions and needs of others.

 

Parents should do this:

Parents are the children's first teachers and moral models. Parental care style has taught children an important lesson. Therefore, please be a sensitive caregiver that your child can trust. Pay attention to children's feelings and needs, and respond in time, so that children can feel love and understanding everywhere so that children will become a person who knows how to care for and take care of others.

 

Stage 2-Toddler (1-3 years old)

At about 18 months, children begin to have the consciousness of "others". Toddlers gradually realize that other people coexist with themselves and that others also have other people's needs, which are often inconsistent or even conflicting with their own needs. There are house rules in the family that children must obey, which makes them feel frustrated.

Children still don't have the ability to judge right or wrong on their own. They just follow their hearts to do what they want to do, and instinctively meet their own needs. They don't realize that beating will cause harm to others. At this stage, children's views on right and wrong are derived entirely from the teachings of their parents. Parents teach their children what is wrong and what is right, and they will accept it completely because at this time parents have absolute authority over their children. From this point on, it is easiest to instill the correct values in the child, because at this stage, the child will believe what the parents say.

The reason, why they believe that beating is wrong, is that mom and dad taught this way, or they will be punished by adults after beating. If a mother says comforting a crying child is the right way to do it, then the child will do the same. Parents are moral role models for children.

 

Parents should do this:

From this stage, when facing the various behaviors of the child, it is necessary to point out in time which behaviors are right, which are wrong, what behaviors you expect to see, and which ones you don't want to see, The boundaries are clear and distinct, and a correct view of right and wrong has been established since childhood. As long as the child does something wrong and causes harm to others, he must be educated and corrected in a timely manner, whether it is intentional or not.

Cultivate children's empathy, nourish friendliness and encourage children to help others. If someone else steals your toy, guide your child to think about it. How would you feel if someone else steals your toy? Seeing a little sister fell down, let's help her up and comfort her!

When we play in amusement parks, we often hear German parents say that you have to take care of others. Always pay attention to the feelings of the people around you, and accumulate in every bit of life. Although it is not said that the child will remember once, but every day there will be progress.

When the children of mixed age jumped on the trampoline together, the parents of the older children kept reminding them, "Be careful, there are younger brothers and sisters inside. You can't jump too high. Jumping too high is dangerous for children."

Make children responsible for their actions. This is something that many Chinese parents tend to ignore. When a child hits someone, the parent rushes up to apologize but does not educate their children. In this way, the child will fight again next time, anyway, he is not responsible for himself.

The morality of a 4-year-old child may be reflected in the fact that when he sees other children throwing rubbish, he says: "My parents say that you can't throw rubbish, and rubbish should be thrown in the trash can." When he saw others, not in line, he said Point out that "you have to line up!"

Once the parents’ values are internalized as part of the child, the child’s behavior will be driven and guided by the internal values-of course, this still requires constant reminders and reinforcement from the parents. When they do something wrong, what they worry about is not the blame and punishment of their parents, but the feeling of guilt and anxiety in their hearts.

 The initial formation of this moral sense drives the children to take the initiative to do the right thing. If the previous parent’s education work is done well, then in the later stage of this stage, the child will gradually begin to understand the principle of and begin to consider the impact of their actions on others, and understand others Also have rights and opinions, knowing to be considerate of others' feelings.

A 5-year-old kid stumbles on building blocks built by other children while passing by, causing others to cry. He will blame himself for hurting the feelings of others, and take the initiative to comfort the crying child- obviously, this is definitely not the same The work of the day requires parents to continuously guide and cultivate empathy for their children from childhood to adulthood. In contrast, a 5-year-old child who lacks empathy may only drop one sentence when faced with the same situation: "What a crying ghost!" and walk away.

When encountering difficult situations, children aged 3-7 expect adults to come forward and call the shots. They understand the roles of "adults" and "children", and look forward to the "mature" guidance of adults.

The reason, why a well-taught child can behave decently, is that he has received positive guidance from his parents for seven years.

Because children already have their own values, they can start discussing some moral-related topics with them to stimulate their thinking.

For example, when you are shopping in a supermarket, the cashier finds more money and you find it. At this time, you can deliberately ask the child: "Should I return the money? At this time you can speak out your thoughts aloud: "But this is not my money and I should not accept it.

Anyway, I know that it’s the right thing to pay back the money, so I have to pay it back.” Having more discussions with children like this can promote children's thinking and judgment on right and wrong, and form their own internal value system.

 

Stage 4-7-10 years old

Children at this stage have basically absorbed the right and wrong views of "what is the right behavior" from their parents' education. The values of parents have become the values of children.

If sensitivity, friendliness, courtesy, and empathy are the code of conduct passed by the child's family education, then the child will treat others according to this code. If you encounter classmates who don’t agree with your own three views, your child already knows how to make judgments and choices, and automatically abandon those values that are inconsistent with their family education.

Children respect those fair and decent authority figures. They are not a threat to children, but necessary to maintain social order. Children believe that they should follow their parents’ teachings and that if children’s behavior breaks the rules, they should be corrected. They have a strong sense of justice of "can do" and "can't do" in their hearts. This sense of justice causes children at this stage to like to inform authorities. Because children aged 7-10 have a very strong sense of justice, they understand the necessity of rules and want to participate in making rules. 

They begin to realize that children can also have their own opinions and begin to think about which rules are best for them. Parents can use their children's sense of justice and fairness in parenting at this stage. Children at this stage will also begin to truly internalize and gradually from their own values. They will automatically abide by meaningful codes of conduct and abandon unapproved behaviors. And for those children whose family education is lacking, it will be a disaster at this age. Due to the lack of strong family values, children are easily influenced by their peers and become victims of peer pressure-in layman's terms, they are easily instigated by others and “smashed”.

 

Stage 5-pre-puberty and puberty (10-18 years old)

Children begin to question whether parents and teachers are absolutely correct and foolproof-perhaps the authority does not know all the answers. At this stage, parents are more like consultants in the eyes of their children, rather than powerful figures of authority.

 If it is only then that parents remember to teach their children right and wrong, it will be too late! Children at this stage are more concerned about the views of their peers than their parents.

Since children at this stage are most concerned about being welcomed among their peers, they are extremely vulnerable to peer pressure and peer values.

 If a solid foundation of family values has not been laid before then, children in adolescence are more likely to be affected by peer opinions and behaviors and shake their own values.

 If family education values have been deeply rooted in the children's hearts and internalized as part of the children, then parents don't need to worry. Such children will follow their inner moral standards, and they will become leaders of their peers rather than followers.

They will set routes and goals for themselves, and work towards the goals they set, even if they are not in harmony with the people around them, they can go against the current!

Cultivating a morally sound child ultimately depends on family education, the penetration of parental values, and the guidance and education of every little thing in life. 

Strong family values bring children not only a good upbringing but also a spiritual shield for children, which can protect children from being misled by "bad children" in society. 

If you don't teach early, it will be someone else's turn to teach later!